You’re exhausted. You’re irritable. Your partner foregoes their responsibility of taking the trash out and doing the dishes. The house is a mess. Your newborn is crying. You’re about two seconds away from blowing up.

Sound familiar? Sounds like you might be a new parent navigating through their relationship with their partner.

Having a child is a transformative, exciting, and life-changing experience for a partnership. On the other hand, it can also be draining, time-consuming, and draining. The combination of newfound emotions can put a strain on any relationship.

Not to mention the partners who have become parents in the pandemic. Now, not only are they worried for their personal safety, but their newborns as well. Isolation, health anxiety, and overall pandemic news bring a new strain of stress to parenthood.

According to this study, women lost an average of an hour of sleep a night while men lost about 15 minutes than before pregnancy and childbirth.

While this doesn’t seem like a big impact, continual, minor interruptions can affect the sleep cycle which leads to lower quality sleep. Parents, especially mothers, can get significantly less sleep from childbirth to up to six years. This is the child waking up coupled with parents staying up later due to additional responsibilities.

Couples that transition into parenthood typically have conflict more frequently and the overall satisfaction in their relationship declines, according to this study. Not only is this attributed to a lack of sleep, but also the depletion of time and money.

So how can you and your partner ensure that you have a fulfilling, happy relationship when the baby arrives?

Here are a few tips:

1. Divide Responsibilities (Equally)

A lot can ride on the mother during the first months after childbirth, whether she chooses to breast feed or not. Mothers naturally assume the dominant parental role. According to the Pew Research Center, 77% of women feel pressure to be the ‘perfect’ parent, while only 49% of men share that sentiment.

To create a more equal partnership and avoid resentment, it’s important to equally divide the responsibilities of parenthood. Discuss with your partner things your parents did to divide chores, and how you want to do them differently. Whether one of you wants to be home full-time or you both want to work, household chores need to be split in a way that best suits your family.

2. Create An Ideal Sleep Environment

Make sure your bedroom is a relaxing environment that you actually enjoy spending time in and want to sleep in. Keep your laundry, mail, and other unpleasant things out of the bedroom. All of that clutter can be distracting at bedtime.

Don’t feel guilty if the best thing for your relationship with your partner is to sleep in separate beds. Having sufficient sleep will do wonders for your relationship, so sleeping in separate rooms may be the best choice.

3. Accept Help

If you have close family members or friends that you trust to babysit your child, use them. If you’re feeling exhausted and need a nap, call one of your chosen people. This can be as simple as taking the baby for a walk in the stroller while you stay home and nap. Every little bit will help you catch up on sleep you’re missing at night.

4. Prioritize Your Health

This can be a tough one when you’re sleep deprived and shorter on time than you’re used to. However, eating a healthy diet and maintain a consistent workout routine can do wonders for your mental and physical health.

There is also a direct relationship with the food you eat and the sleep you get. The more healthy foods you eat, the higher quality sleep you will get. Exercising can also promote higher quality slumber.

5. Show Appreciation For Your Partner

Often times within a partnership, one of the members (or both) can feel unappreciated. Spending a little time showing your appreciation for your partner can go a long way. This can be verbal praise, handwritten notes or even small gifts.

If showing appreciation is not something that comes naturally to you, try setting a reminder on your phone. It will remind you to give your partner a word of encouragement. You could also buy a packet of blank sticky notes to leave handwritten messages around the house.

6. Invest In Your Relationship

After the birth of your baby, it can be difficult to set time aside for just you and your partner. Try setting aside one day a month with a sitter to go on a date. If you’re feeling exhausted, you could even just drop your baby off at a trusted family member or friend’s house and watch a movie at home child-free. Always remember that your relationship is a priority.

If you or someone you love is a new parent and needs support, please reach out to us. Our team of therapists is here to provide support and guidance. We look forward to connecting with you.

Featured

Kate Tedeschi

Kate is the Founder and Clinical Director of Sage House Counseling & Art Therapy. With nearly ten years of clinical experience, I partner with you to connect back to your authentic, true self. The self that desires happiness, abundance, and greater self-compassion. I work with clients just like you because I believe we all have the innate ability to heal and grow when we are heard and supported.