Attachment Styles and Romantic Relationships
The attachment theory, pioneered by American psychologist Mary Ainsworth and British psychiatrist John Bowlby, describes the attachment an infant forms to their primary caregiver. The quality of those relationships can dictate how well you respond to intimacy and how you relate to people later in life.
If an infant has a stable childhood, where their caregiver responds to their cries and needs with comfort, they are likely to have a secure attachment style that does not negatively impact their relationships in adulthood. If the infant has inconsistent comfort and their needs are not met, it may limit their ability in the future to build and maintain stable relationships.
From a past blog we’ve written, let’s recall what each attachment style is before diving into how they can affect romantic relationships.
Secure Attachment Style
Secure attachments can be defined as low avoidance and low anxiety. People who experience secure attachments are not preoccupied with thoughts of abandonment or rejection. It is easy for them to get close with others and open up with their emotions. They don’t worry about others depending on them either, they are confident in the support they give others. They form long-lasting, deep relationships.
Avoidant Attachment Style
Avoidant attachments are most easily defined as someone who avoids intimacy in a relationship. They are high on avoidance but low on anxiety. The thought of developing close relationships makes them feel suffocated. They value independence and freedom and don’t often worry about their partner’s availability.
Anxious Attachment Style
Anxious attachment styles are low on avoidance and high on anxiety. People with anxious attachment styles crave intimacy and are very insecure with their relationships. They often worry that their partner does not reciprocate the same amount of love and have a strong fear of abandonment or rejection. They are consistently hungry for validation and reassurance in how much their partner loves them.
Disorganized Attachment Style
Anxious attachment styles are low on avoidance and high on anxiety. People with anxious attachment styles crave intimacy and are very insecure with their relationships. They often worry that their partner does not reciprocate the same amount of love and have a strong fear of abandonment or rejection. They are consistently hungry for validation and reassurance in how much their partner loves them.
How Each Attachment Style Affects Adult Relationships
Secure Attachment Style
Adults with secure attachments willingly and excitingly offer support when their partner feels distressed. When they are feeling stressed themselves, they seek out their partner for support. The relationship with secure attachment is honest and open, where both individuals feel independent while loving toward each other.
Securely attached adults feel confident in their relationship and allow their partner to move freely while they themselves grow as an individual as well.
Anxious Attachment Style
Adults with anxious attachment styles differ from secure attachment styles in the sense that they are hungry for emotional connection. They seek out their partner to rescue them or complete them. They do not have a strong sense of individuality within a romantic relationship. They can be described as clingy with the goal of bringing their partner closer, but instead it usually pushes them away.
Anxiously attached adults constantly look for validation for their fears. If their partner missteps or does something the anxious partner doesn’t like, they will say, “See. I was right not to trust them.”
Avoidant Attachment Style
Adults with disorganized attachment styles have a tendency to distance themselves from their romantic relationships. They push their partners away when they get scared the relationship is becoming too serious. They feel so independent that they believe they would not benefit from a romantic partner, in fact, they can feel stifled by the intimacy and dependency.
Avoidantly attached adults tend to gravitate toward fleeting and casual relationships versus long-term ones.
Disorganized Attachment Style
Adults with disorganized attachment styles have a fear of becoming to intimate or dependent on romantic partners, but they also crave affection and emotional intimacy. In relationships, they can be overwhelmed by their emotions and unpredictable with their mood swings. Consequentially, they tend to be in relationships that are rocky and unpredictable as well. They cling to their partner when they feel emotionally unstable but push them away when it gets too intimate.
Do you need support with your attachment pattern? Are you looking to develop secure attachments? Please reach out to us. Our team of therapists is here to provide support and guidance. We look forward to connecting with you.
