The Importance of Reflective Listening
The holiday season can bring you people you don’t see regularly during the year, such as extended family. And as much of a blessing as this is, it can also introduce some conflict with differing opinions. With a pandemic, turbulent political landscape and tumultuous economy, there is no shortage of opinions in the U.S. right now.
Gatherings with distant loved ones can bring unwanted stress and conversational conflict. You don’t want your holidays ruined by politics, so how do you communicate effectively with the family members you disagree with without escalating the conversation?
The answer is reflective listening. Is sounds simple, right? All you have to do is just listen with reflection. Sometimes, yes, it is easy. But most of the time, it’s a lot harder said than done.
Reflective listening is important. It helps speakers know they are understood, listeners understand their message and making sure both parties are on the same page. It can reinforce positive relationships by fully understand what your loved ones are trying to communicate.
Here are a few tips for how to incorporate reflective listening into your conversations:
1. Listen to the message
This sounds intuitive, right? But a lot of the time, we listen to others in conversation to respond. So, while they’re explaining their viewpoint, we’re pondering how we’re going to respond to it or what we think about it instead of understanding what they’re saying. On top of this, it’s easy to get distracted during a conversation. Our minds tend to wander while we think about what we’re going to have for dinner tonight or what movie we want to watch. With all of this, it becomes hard to have effective conversations.
This is where reflective listening comes in. To be a reflective listener, really engage with the person you are having a conversation with. Think about what they are saying and why they are saying it. Try not to think about how you will respond or get distracted, and you will be able to have better conversations with others.
2. Analyze the message
It’s important during a conversation to really take a step back and understand what the speaker is trying to convey to you. If their message is convoluted with emotion and intensity, it may be best to put a pin in it and revisit the conversation when they calm down and when you fully understand the points they were trying to make. Try not to let your own opinions and emotions influence your analysis.
Analysis is a big part of reflective listening. Understanding the speaker’s message can help a conversation avoid escalation and hurt feelings.
3. Reflect the message
After the reflection period in a conversation and when you fully understand what the speaker is trying to convey, you can then confirm with the speaker that you understand their message. Repeat back to them what the speaker intended and therefore the speaker will feel understood and heard. And there will be no disagreements on what the purpose of the conversation is, and nothing will get lost in translation.
Reflecting the intended message back to the speaker is an important part of reflective listening. Staying on the same page will help the purpose of the conversation flourish. If you didn’t properly understand the speaker’s message, then they can explain their point further and clarify their message.
Once you understand the steps of reflective listening, you can also practice these tips to help you become a better conversationalist:
• Don’t make judgements during conversations – try focusing on the speaker’s message instead.
• Watch out for non-verbal cues. Non-verbal cues are almost as important in conversation as verbal cues, if you see that the speaker’s voice is raising or if they look like they’re getting upset, you can try to deescalate the conversation.
• Withhold your advice. Unless someone specifically asks for your advice or solution, feel free to keep it to yourself. Reflective listening is about understanding the speaker, not fixing their problems.
Now that you have the tools to be a reflective listener, try to implement them over the holidays when you’re having those not-so-fun conversation with extended family. Don’t let your heated conversations ruin your holiday dinners this year.
If you want to learn more about reflective listening and how it can positively impact your relationships, please reach out to us. Our team of therapists is here to provide support and guidance. We look forward to connecting with you.
