How Maternal Depression Affects Partners

May 22

Maternal depression affects the whole family—children and partners and the unit as a whole. This includes prenatal and postpartum depression and can look different for everyone. When your partner is the one experiencing maternal depression, it can have a huge impact on you. Read on for more information on how maternal depression affects partners and what you can do to support them.

What is maternal depression?

Maternal depression includes prenatal and postpartum depression. It’s estimated that 10-20% of women experience one or both of these types of depression. Symptoms can include:

frequent crying
persistent sadness
feelings of guilt or worthlessness
irritability
fatigue
sleep disturbances
a significant change in appetite
poor bonding or attachment with the baby
memory disruptions
loss of interest in life

“Baby blues” can include these symptoms, but lasts less than two weeks after the baby is born. Baby blues affect up to 80% of women. Postpartum depression (PPD) lasts longer than two weeks and is typically more disruptive. Read more about symptoms here.

Many of these symptoms can contribute to relationship issues with a new mom’s partner. Both partners experience an increased workload with a new baby. However, an increased workload can feel overwhelming to mothers with postpartum depression. Individuals whose partner has postpartum depression may feel neglected in their relationship.

How does maternal depression affect partners?

PPD affects the whole family and the relationship with a partner. Marital problems are common in the first year after a couple has a child. However, postpartum depression has been linked directly to martial issues. These issues can involve feelings of confusion, neglect, lack of support, and exhaustion for both partners.

One study revealed a number of emotional responses by men to their partner’s PPD. This included feeling anger, fear, helplessness, confusion, and a lot of concern about their partners. These same men felt uncertain about the future. They also felt their partner was a different person than before.

Overall, PPD increases the risk for paternal depression. Many men become depressed when their partner experiences PPD. Paternal depression is estimated to occur in about 5-13% of new fathers within the first year after their child is born. This can include symptoms such as:

irritability
anger
isolation and withdrawal
increased risk-taking
impulsiveness
difficulty concentrating or feeling motivated
loss of interest in normal activities of life such as work, sex, hobbies

Postpartum depression and other mental illnesses have even been shown to increase the risk for separation and divorce. Due to PPD symptoms, there is less time for uninterrupted communication for the couple. In general, partners and new dads experience a decline in disposable income. This can lead to fewer resources for leisure, travel, self-care, dates, etc. Additionally, PPD can lead to less sex in a relationship. There is a waiting period for women to engage in intercourse after giving birth in order for a woman’s body to heal. However, PPD can lead to increased exhaustion which decreases sex drive after this. It also can result in decreased libido. Decreased sex drive is a common side effect of antidepressant medication and depression itself.

How to support a new mom

Many new mothers with PPD may isolate or withdraw to hide how much they are struggling. They may feel reluctant to ask their partner for help. Additionally, partners may expect the mother to be happy and excited to be a mom. To support a new mom, as a partner you can work to be nurturing, caring, and take on household chores. Recognize the guilt a new mom may feel and address this directly. Let them know you are there to support them during this difficult time.

Make time to talk and communicate. Ask them what they really need. Many women may expect or wish their partners would just know what they need. However, honest and direct communication is almost always essential.

Think about how can you feel close to your partner. Work towards this goal. This could involve more physical touch, time to talk, telling each other you love each other, and expressing your needs directly. Practice self-care and encourage mom to practice self-care! Shown concern for your partner’s well-being is a great way to support a new mom struggling with PPD.

If your partner is experiencing postpartum mental health challenges, it’s essential that they seek therapy. Attending a session or two with your partner can also be helpful to determine what the mother’s needs are. One study showed how emotional support from a partner within therapy can significantly positive affect women who are experiencing maternal depression. You can also try couples counseling to support your relationship and discuss issues like sex and money. As a partner, you may also individually benefit from therapy.

Are you looking for more support for your partner or yourself? Please reach out to us. Our team of therapists is here to provide support and guidance. We look forward to connecting with you.

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Kate Tedeschi

Kate is the Founder and Clinical Director of Sage House Counseling & Art Therapy. With nearly ten years of clinical experience, I partner with you to connect back to your authentic, true self. The self that desires happiness, abundance, and greater self-compassion. I work with clients just like you because I believe we all have the innate ability to heal and grow when we are heard and supported.