Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and this year we’re shining a light on the devastation tens of thousands of families across the United States experience with the loss of a baby or pregnancy.
According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), about one out of every four pregnancies end in miscarriage and each year about 24,000 babies are stillborn in the United States. This does not include infant death from preterm labor or SIDS.
Sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) is the unexpected death of an apparently healthy baby. Around 2,300 babies in the United States die of SIDS each year.
Even though tens of thousands of families are affected by pregnancy and infant loss, the subject is rarely broached in mainstream media. These families’ struggles often go unnoticed. This month of awareness has become a safe space for those grieving loss and the people in their lives trying to understand and comfort.
In 1988, President Ronald Reagan designated October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. In 2002, a movement to secure proclamations of support from every state was spearheaded by Robyn Bear, Lisa Brown, and Tammy Novak. A year later in 2003, the International Wave of Light was created. People from all over the world lit candles at 7 PM in every time zone to honor the babies they lost. In 2006, the House of Representatives passed a resolution to support National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
Finally, in 2016, all 50 states in the U.S. passed proclamations honoring National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day on October 15.
Families who experience the loss of a baby need meaningful support from others, but people often aren’t sure how to care for those who are in the grieving process. Thinking about death in general, and especially the death of a child, makes people uncomfortable and they don’t know how to respond.
Often times, people fear saying the wrong thing, so instead they say nothing at all. A lack of support can compound the feelings of loss and grief.
How to Support Someone After the Loss of a Baby
1. Understand how you feel about death
As we stated earlier, death makes most people uncomfortable and unsure of how to respond or comfort loved ones. So, it’s important to grapple with how the death makes you feel and what your feelings are about it. It may make you sad and remind you about losses in your own life. You may wish you didn’t have to be the one to support your loved one. You may feel angry or cheated. All of these feelings, including being numb and not feeling anything, are completely normal. There is no wrong or right way to feel. But understanding how you feel yourself; you can better support your grieving loved ones.
2. What should you say?
It’s hard to know exactly what to say. You may not be sure how the parents are feeling or what could you say to make them feel better. It’s okay to be honest. Start with a simple “I’m sorry for your loss” and tell them you’re not sure what to say. Be comforting and remind them how much you care for them. You can ask them what to do in order to support them. Maybe bringing meals or cleaning their house would help give them space and time to grieve. Maybe just being present with them and not saying much at all is what they need. It’s okay if you don’t have the answers on your own.
3. What shouldn’t you say?
If you can’t find the right words to say, it’s okay to say nothing. As we said above, just being there for the parents to listen and hold hands is enough. Avoid trying to justify the situation or trying to make it okay by saying things like “it’s for the best,” “you can try again,” or “everything happens for a reason.” These things might not be comforting to parents in the early stages of grieving the loss of their baby.
All parents grieve differently, but as long as you’re there to provide comfort and support, you will help them. It may take time for the parents to return to their definition of normalcy, so be patient with them.
There are plenty of resources for parents who lose their baby, like the SAMHSA’s National Helpline. Feel free to recommend resources that could help the parents through their journey of grieving.
If you or a loved one have experience losing a child and are in need of support, please reach out to us. Our team of therapists is here to provide support and guidance. We look forward to connecting with you.
